It is by definition a private matter - we have no idea what the context behind these peoples actions are. They could have an agreement with their spouse to let them discreetly cheat. Cheating could be a part of their particular marital or relationship kinks. They could be in emotionally abusive relationships and looking for comfort.

Or they could be cheaters who are lying to their SOs.

Regardless, we the general public have no horse in this race. We haven't been asked by the person's SO to find this out, the people in question are not public figures, and we have no knowledge of the specifics of their situation.

Well that's the thing, the SOs now can find out. Yeah as a cheater one would get the uncomfortable feeling from everyone else possibly knowing that too, alas. Comes with the territory.

Or an SO who has an agreement with their spouse to let them quietly cheat has to now deal with strangers and friends alike "knowing" that the spouse sleeps around.

Or person A is in a sexless but loving marriage with person B. They have kids, and don't want to get divorced because they love each other, but person B is just done with sex. Is it worse for person A to cheat on person B than it is for the two to get divorced, upending the family structure and ruining them financially?

We could debate that endlessly, but the fact remains is its none of our business what's going on with the Ashley Madison people, nor is it our place to decide what's best for the partners of Ashley Madison customers.

Would you say it "comes with the territory" when someone's drug habit is leaked on the Internet? Or their private emails?

Look, I can make a bunch of similar sad puppy stories for the other side of coin as well. People holding it "for the kids" but who wouldn't really stay in case of infidelity. Unhappy people with orthodox religious beliefs who would alas divorce in case of adultery. People desperately trying to fix the relationship and improve themselves not realizing their partner is invested elsewhere and all their effort is wasted.

I sympathize with couples who have a consensual kink however and are now caught in the middle of it. Though I doubt it's anywhere near a major portion of the userbase, they are very unfortunate collateral here. Kind of U.S. govt informers who were revealed by Assange's cablegate (which majority here is positive about), but sans grave threat to their life.

I don't have sympathy for people who make their SOs an unconsenting part of three-way sexual relationship, and yes they are never an excuse short. All people are positive about their self image, and rationalizations of abhorrent actions are a natural consequence.

> I don't have sympathy for people who make their SOs an unconsenting part of three-way sexual relationship

Do you have sympathy for people whose three-way sexual relationships are unconsentingly made public?

Yes, and you'd see my statement to that effect if you haven't skipped most of my response.

Oh yes, it was there. Fairly handwavingly dismissed as "and they're just unfortunate collateral damage in the virtuous goal of helping people find out about their spouses".

It's amazingly easy to label people 'collateral damage' when those people are not you.

The point is this leak exposes the "good" cheaters, the "bad" cheaters, and the... gray? cheaters alike. It also probably exposes a ton of people who never cheated, but in some dark moment went on the site to gawk or fantasize. Given there are only 9 million credit card transactions to 35 million emails, it makes me think they are probably the majority.

In any case, this leak makes no distinction between people who are doing wrong and people who aren't, and it hurts all of them. Since when was it ok to smear a million people who weren't doing anything wrong, just to blow up the lives of other people who were?

I can see the person cheated on having a right to know. Everybody and his dog? If I know that my neighbor Joe is running around on his wife Jane, I might be justified in telling Jane; stapling fliers announcing to the telephone poles up and down the street seems a different matter.

There is also, as the top-level parent comment suggests, the point that adultery is more or less celebrated in much of popular culture. The mixture of hypocrisy and schadenfreude is obnoxious.

> If I know that my neighbor Joe is running around on his wife Jane, I might be justified in telling Jane

The case that isn't being made is that you should be able to tell Jane about Joe in a private way. That's called discretion. And besides being the better part of valor, it is part of being a wise person.

The people who are OK with this leak should ask themselves if someone should be able to tell a wife about her cheating husband without worrying about hacking and leaks. Or even government dragnets (maybe it's a drug problem, which could be illegal).

If we make people think twice about talking to each other, there are many cases where we make them think twice about helping each other.

They don't have a right to know. Not in the sense that you and I have a right to privacy, free expression, choice of religion, and so on. Yes, they deserve to know, and it would be a nice thing indeed for them to find out. But they don't have a right.

Perhaps they have a right to know, but that doesn't mean that you, I, or any other random bystander has a right to know.