throwaway8192

>Some vocalize that they notice something is off and I might tell them about autism and give them an outline of what it means. If I tell them I often also ask if they can put it into concrete examples of what I do differently. They never can.

This really hits home for me.

I've never been diagnosed as autistic or Asperger's, but I'm very socially awkward, anxious, and have always been considered quite "weird" by peers and strangers. I also believe I share many symptoms with those who are on the autistic spectrum; if I ever saw a doctor I suspect I might get diagnosed with something.

I've also just about never been invited to any social gathering or to "hang out", though even if I was asked I'd almost definitely make an excuse and say I couldn't.

Any time I ask someone about exactly what it is that I do differently, I can never get a precise answer.

Over time I've come to realize what some of those differences are, and every day I try to consciously change or remove them, but it can be difficult. Sometimes I'll forget, sometimes it'll be very instinctive, etc. It really does feel like putting on a mask of normalcy a lot of the time though.

If it makes you feel any better, there are a lot of people like you and me out there.