smsowmya

arranged marriages are usually family introductions and rarely forced. the way they limit choice is by constraining potential partners to your own caste or community, to the supreme thrill of family conservatives who regard that as "respectable". if you're american, you're talking about a society that places a lot of importance on self - not the case in other societies. in a lot of indian families, family comes first, not the individual.

sigh - but management can do a better job managing and if victims know what or how to recognize problems, they can be better prepared to deal with the situation more effectively. which is the point of this piece.

this person is a troll - just read his comments. don't bother engaging.

i don't work there any longer. i don't believe in allowing anyone the kind of leverage that results in me being abused.

i agree about walking away, but i think by the time you think its a legal issue, its too late. its not easy to find a job when you have anxiety or depression - i tried a lot to do that. i also trusted the company, which i think is a fair thing to do.

indian women being considered "exotic" is one of those..

From my response There was no quote because it was him being nicer to me than to the other men thought he should have been - it was actually him not treating me like a second class citizen. It was this "equal" status that made the others feel that I got better treatment. Note "equal" not equal. Note "nicer than they thought he should have been".

read the blog.

thanks :-) and i really do appreciate your support of me in the threads. more than one guy has defended my post for me and that has been encouraging to see :-) honestly, not all men at apple are jerks either. its just that the jerks tend to be the loudest.

I wasn't being defensive - he WAS treating others unfairly too ... you think they would have sprung on me if he had not been an ass to them and they hadn't felt threatened ? I am thinking about following up with another post with more details about the background on that, because that's a separate discussion.

I think I was being sarcastic. Publishing this post has been a draining experience for me and I don't think I can be trusted to make coherent arguments about this issue for a while now. :-/ I didn't expect it to pick up the way it did since this was a re-post after a barely noticeable first attempt.

If things happen in places that have cameras, maybe it is helpful. But otherwise ? These things just happen - they cannot really be anticipated.

is the fact that Apple thought to issue me an apology not enough proof that I am not making things up ?

I understand what you meant, but what I said is that public discussions on these issues are career-impacting, and usually negatively. As painful as sexism is, I don't think it is practical to make a public discussion out of it - there is usually a threshold.

thank you :-) i needed your empathy :-) my earlier attempts to respond sooner to your comment failed to get posted. :-/ i would have thought my saying that apple apologized would be enough of a reason to believe me, but i think they are just not thinking this through.

thanks for the defense. a woman would have to be foolish to create such a ruckus about "just sexism". we just suck that part up as part of our jobs.

what about the livelihood of the victim ? is that not at stake because of someone else's misbehavior ?

sigh. i did not take any favors - i want my career to be built on merit and not favoritism - that is why i left the company. but do people realize that's not actually fair ? and this happens to a lot of women, not just me.

look at the skeptics in this thread as an example .. does it give you a warm and fuzzy ? this is a stressful thread to read.

i will agree. from unfortunate personal experience.

thanks a lot :) sorry you had to do that. i will look at the book. :-)

anyway, i only said the company needs to encourage investigations and reporting, not discourage them. this has nothing to do with people at all - it is the company's attitude that i am talking about.

to be honest, women's careers are ruined far more than men. how many men do you know who have been ostracized ? trump is president for crying out loud.. and ailes is happily working for him..

it should happen, but the company can either encourage it or discourage it .. and that stance is important ..

There is a difference between questioning someone and proceeding with the investigation to ascertain proof and actions if necessary. One assumes there are concerns that need to be looked into, the other one implies the accuser is lying ... the former is good faith and the latter is dissuading someone from proceeding.

thank you :-) that means a lot to me !

also, when the hostility started, one of the men actually went - "it's like that now, is it ?". As if I had changed my behavior since my incident ( which i hadn't ). I have gotten called hottie, haughty like a supermodel, comments about needing to lose weight, comments about being unmarried, and much worse. These statements were also ALWAYS implied in a conversation, never direct. that's what makes it difficult to identify or confront.

space - impossible to cover everything in 10-12 minute read. sexism can also be non-verbal, which again, is hard to convey.

Bingo ! :-)