shotput

Thanks for the advice. The person in question is not just a colleague but also a friend, and has expressed frustration with this specific issue multiple times to me. She is skeptical about suggestions like meditation, self-analysis, coaching etc. She has accepted other suggestions that are more technical in nature.

I thought that hearing what things others have done might encourage her to try some of those things. They may be more credible to her because they are being suggested by people who have been through what she does.

The "unwilling to take advice" was an overstatement on my part. At some point, though, I have to butt out, and this question on HN was in a way my last attempt to help.

Thanks - yes, I agree with the practice and conscious relaxation.

And I do not intend to touch the "because she's a woman" part. Although I have definitely seen that side - things like her idea being accepted by someone only when said more confidently by another group member. Of course that is not just a gender thing, it's also about how to assert yourself in a group containing some dominant people. It's tricky to separate out the "because she's a woman" part from the "because she's not as assertive as needed in that situation" or "because someone else had better timing or communication" part.

> But, stuff like that won't always be enough. > To a certain extent, meeting with other people is kind of a > requirement for teams, and you have to think quickly to > have an influence in meetings. It's a job skill she'll have > to develop one way or another.

> More like, she's feeling anxiety in meeting situations, > and to some extent feeling anxiety about that anxiety, and > so on in a spiral.

> If that's true, one step would be to treat the anxiety as a > separate issue from just work meetings, and talk to a > professional about it.

This.

Yes, but in this case the person in question would like to improve this aspect.

Thanks. You are probably right.

Thanks for your reply.

The person in question would like to improve in meetings/interviews. My term "meetings" includes scenarios like code reviews, live debugging etc.

The person in question has never been a manager and (afaik) is not interested in being one. And it is difficult to avoid some of these scenarios.

I may not have worded the question well. The person in question is able to "think quickly" if they are not in a live situation. So the challenge is how to reduce the panic (or whatever word describes the feeling) that inhibits their normal thinking.