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Can you eli5 the implementation and how your prototype worked?
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Sunday July 13, 2025 @08:00AM (#44549709)
How did you do that? how did you overcome "hard-wired" traits?
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @03:34PM (#44544489)
I am working on the determination aspect but it is so slow and frustrating, plus any time I am learning, I get flashbacks of my own failures and also thoughts of how everyone else is so much ahead.
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @11:34AM (#44542773)
There is no meaning to life, the only meaning I can have is family and money. I failed one and the other I can't get
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @11:14AM (#44542629)
That's fucked up for me, I would rather die

Although, my bio parents and grandparents were white-collar or white collar adjacent at least. And one of my bio grandpa was very conscientious and active well into old age

Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @11:13AM (#44542618)
Haha, I don't know why I love writing about how shit I am, probably because I am hoping for some miracle
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @11:12AM (#44542611)
Nope, pretty high on T but without any of the pros of having high T
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @10:56AM (#44542504)
I need money to be here. and to have decent money, i need to have skills, which i have to learn, which i am not able to do
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @10:54AM (#44542489)
I am not wired to get intrinsic motivation from anything. period.
Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @09:53AM (#44542094)
I do owe my parents, firstly because I am adopted and secondly, they went above and beyond for me in every way they could. Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them.

I am trying small daily improvements now, for the millionth time. But the fear and the guilt is overwhelming, and I am never gonna catch up to other normal people, much less high earners. And then there is AI.

Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @09:50AM (#44542071)
The only hanging I intend to do is from a noose.

I don't like or gel with mediocre people, why do you think I wanna terminate myself? I never wanted to be mediocre

Re:I may be beyond redemption on Saturday July 12, 2025 @09:44AM (#44542026)
Well, how will I live if I don't make money or am useful. I appreciate your words, but this world is no utopia, humans have always had to have some utility to exist since the days we evolved into our current form. We are just slightly better animals, and wildlife is brutal. And, so is this world we inhabit.

I already got tested for it by multiple different professionals, they seem to think I don't have it. And people with adhd are everywhere in the tech industry, it did not stop them from learning or becoming great engineers.

I have tried strattera, vyvanse, and some other meds i can't even remember, none worked and only made me more suicidal

I don't see any hope for me.I have no capacity to work hard, learn technical shit, love people, sense of responsibility, anything. I just wanna go, but I need money before I end it

I may be beyond redemption

I am ashamed to even type all of this...again. I have had a few rants before on HN and reddit.It seems like I cannot improve or get better at all, I have been stuck literally doing nothing for a decade, like literally, I am not even kidding.My parents are great people, great is an understatement, I had a great upbringing, hard work and academics was always emphasized. I didn't do shit though,...

( Read More... | 35 comments | 6 points | on HN )
But how do you get yourself to do all the cognitively heavy work for your job, day in day out?
Re:Getting Past Procastination on Sunday June 08, 2025 @04:59PM (#44219471)
I am terribly suicidal because of my procrastination combined with no conscientiousness.
How do you figure out if the whole or part of the response is a hallucination?

Is there some way to better understand TAOCP Vol 1 by Knuth?

Reposting:Hello, I am far from a smart person but I still wanted to give reading The Art Of Computer Programming Volume 1: Fundamental Algorithms by Donald Knuth a try but I don't understand at all how MIX computer he talks about works.Are there any other resources that make it easier to understand the contents of this book?

( Read More... | 2 comments | on HN )

Is there some way to better understand TAOCP Vol 1 by Knuth?

Hello, I am far from a smart person but I still wanted to give reading The Art Of Computer Programming Volume 1: Fundamental Algorithms by Donald Knuth a try but I don't understand at all how MIX computer he talks about works.Are there any other resources that make it easier to understand the contents of this book?

( Read More... | 1 comment | 2 points | on HN )
Thank you, i wish love worked for me that way, but even though i have many people i love and should be doing a lot for, i just can't
Most people may have these issues but they still "live" and do things, I am stuck in every way, it's terrible
Whoa, thank you for sharing your amazing story! I wish you the best
Thanks, i can definitely relate to a lot of what you wrote. Are you a mental health professional yourself?
Yes, they are, (un)fortunately.
I know right, the things usually suggested don't have any effect on my executive function.

I don't know how you do that, i am so close to just ending it all because i cannot continue like this.

ACT sounds like it could help. Will check it out!
I do not have adhd, I am probably depressed but I don't know if depresssion caused my executive dysfunction or the executive dysfunction caused the depression.

what was the underlying cause for your issues, if you don't mind sharing?

Blood work came back normal, so doesn't seem to physiological.

I have tried exercise, it helps with moods but not really with executive function. I have taken it one step at a time for so long, can't do it anymore unless i can see some hope of solving this. This is no way to live

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