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https://www.engadget.com/2017/11/04/estonia-freezes-resident...
Other times it was more insidious, "would your baby still be so fond of you if you slowly crushed its head".
Ugh, I struggle just trying to type that last one out. They would always bring me to tears. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing I suppose.
These have disappeared now that our kids is older and our emotional input is requited.
I am still contemplating whether I should mention it to my spouse. She knows about my diagnosis in college but not these intrusive thoughts.
My diet has also changed a lot, like another commentator mentioned.
Too many variables!
Prescribed a drug that made me much more depressed and started cutting. I stopped taking it, and later met the person who is now my spouse. Early in the relationship I got fraught that it would end, so I tried to end it preemptively. That didn't work, thankfully.
It was really a relationship where I could for the first time just be myself and not "front", so it just felt right. My pysch was not convinced and warned me, rightly so. But, we moved away from that college, got married, have kids, and really haven't had any emotional rollercoasters since (over 10 years later).
But occasionally I have emotional scares/thoughts but they usually subside. Also, since I'm on a throwaway, when we first had our first child I kept getting murderous thoughts about how to kill it whenever I got frustrated. These scared me, and through some introspection, my own aim seemed to be to get an emotional response from myself. Especially since these thoughts typically included how I would immediately regret harming my child and how others would react.
So I feel like it's still there, but my hormones leveled out or something happened to allow me to manage it.