Likewise, I read a news story (long time ago, source forgotten) that interviewed several people who had survived jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge. The reporter asked each one what thoughts went through their head after jumping before hitting the water. It wasn't relief or clarity - almost unanimously, it was "What have I done?!?" and immediate regret.

This was phrased really well in the movie/article, worth looking up:

> “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I'd thought was unfixable was totally fixable — except for having just jumped."

I was reminded of the same thing and got a few sentences into my reply before noticing yours. Here's a link to a study I had turned up as well:

http://seattlefriends.org/files/seiden_study.pdf

Here's the article in question.

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2003/10/13/jumpers

Another powerful quote: "The guy was in his thirties, lived alone, pretty bare apartment. He’d written a note and left it on his bureau. It said, ‘I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.’"

I went through a period of depression as well and had such thoughts. If you don't talk with someone you wind up solving a temporary problem with a permanent "solution". Thankfully someone lit into me with both barrels to seek help and I haven't had any recurrence in the past decade.