Good point on caring differently about the outcome, you reminds me that I might be caring too much on winning the conversation much of the time.
> it might not matter all that much if you can't get your ideas across to the other person this particular moment.
Yeah, I have always been eager to get my ideas through (because I want to get things done), with your words I see now I don't need to rush getting ideas through all at once, it should be done in a timely manner.
I guess this is why some people describe me as being too eager or impetuous, I see the reason now.
Socratic approach really seems to be a good suitable way around this, thanks a lot for the tip.
I find I argue a lot less with people as I get older unless I really know the person, because it's so easy to be misinterpreted. I've found that a Socratic approach helps a ton if I'm not thinking straight - asking more questions about the areas I am worried about is easier to form for me when I am not able to articulate a position. By asking questions you are simultaneously showing empathy and communicating your own thoughts.
A lot of it depends on the situation and past history - sometimes people are in need of a full bore reality check and don't need much empathy. :)
Other times it helps if you care less about the outcome of the conversation - ie. It's okay to defer the issue to give you time to think. Or to just let the other person "win", if the topic isn't all that important.
Anyway I appreciate you sharing the experience, it made me reflect on how I have changed.