I am not recommending a split, I'm recommending 3x5. I don't think there's a massive difference, but 3x5 will let you progress further without thinking, and 5x5 places additional stress on tendons much earlier in the process without significant advantages. More != better.

I think 30 minutes in the gym is disingenuous. Within weeks that quickly balloons to about 1.5 hours as soon as the weights get remotely challenging.

Very very very few people can continue even a 1x5 linear progression to a 400# squat or 500# deadlift.