(Does this really need to be said?)
As a funny aside, when Github breaks the thing to say is "I wish one day someone would invent a decentralized version control system" ;-)
(But I am entirely sympathetic to the opinion that git itself exposes too much plumbing and has a pretty baroque end-user interface for doing certain things. And it's also certainly legit to wish or suggest that _github_'s UI worked differently than it does, although the merge commits don't really bother me, and some people prefer them, it's a point of some contention).
Looking back at arguments people make about how to "do it properly", it looks like something is broken. Git is broken, maybe Github is broken, documentation, UI, marketing. Something is though. When an obvious UI element is there, seemingly designed to do merges, and then everyone says "no, no, do this other thing", like send emails, then rebase here on top of that, make a ref pattern in your ~/.gitconfig ...
This is the smell of git plumbing again. Don't use the obvious UX that's been presented to you, do some other workflow that doesn't appear in the documentation.