I've run into several archetypal "freetards" in the Drupal community - you probably know the type: To any criticism they say, "Well, you were lucky enough to have been given the source for free, and if you don't like it, go write something better!"

I've also found a large part of the Drupal community to be non-technical users attempting to help each other with various technical problems such as module or database upgrades. I never saw this amazing community that i've heard people mention - so I assumed there must be an invite-only mailing list somewhere.

Your second point is pretty spot on. Asking for technical help in Drupal forums almost guarantees a response from a well-meaning non-technical person who likely can't help you.

Asking in a module's issue queue can be hit or miss. If it's a major project, you'll get a response and it'll be "this has been asked before, here's the link." That's great.

More likely you'll never hear a response.

#drupal-support can have some very helpful people on it. But once your question gets beyond general use of the major modules, the odds of getting useful help approach zero.