There are some ugly hacks in notmuch to accomplish this, which I don't understand, since it should be quite easy to achieve. In fact mu provides it, and they both use xapian as a backend.
As far as I know there's no integration with notmuch, though. That's not too much of a problem, however, since the only thing you're missing there is the ability to create new contacts automatically from received messages. But you're almost certainly reading new messages in Gnus (where BBDB contact creation works), not in Notmuch.
That's what I want to achieve, and what is currently possible with mu (and notmuch, but through an ugly hack).
I like treating contacts like favorites. I don't manage any, and let my email client / web browser handle them based on frequency.
(Disclosure: I am very happy user of these scripts.)
http://www.guru-group.fi/~too/nottoomuch/nottoomuch-addresse...