News for hackers. Stuff that matters.

A comment on Leo The Homeless Coder Is Still Homeless. Parent comment

Re:Leo The Homeless Coder Is Still Homeless by TallGuyShort on Tuesday May 27, 2014 @02:10PM (#7805910)
You've already touched on some aspects like the fact that it's different for everyone, took the right people investing in you over and over, being patient, etc... but I'd like to hear more if you have any other thoughts. I do a lot of work with people in near-homeless situations, and I feel very helpless and frustrated when I encounter individuals that want help, but for some reason lack the internal drive to help themselves long-term when it's possible for them to do so. If you have any other thoughts about what people could have done to help you while you were in that phase, I'd like to hear more from your perspective. It's very rare that you run into a person who has been there and overcome it enough to talk about it.
[ Parent | on HN ]
Re:Leo The Homeless Coder Is Still Homeless by lrvick on Tuesday May 27, 2014 @04:44PM (#7806751)
It is a very long story. but I am an open book and happy to answer anything. I spent a couple years doing public speaking about my experiences and am always happy to find ways to leverage them in ways that might directly or indirectly help others.

I suppose I could throw some random thoughts out there.

I think in general what people did that helped the most, was accept me for who I was without coddling me. Showing me respect, not pity. I hated pity. I thought my balance in my life was fine, and if it got in the way of something I really wanted to do, I would make adjustments. I really valued people that would invite me places they would invite anyone else and let me pull my own weight and make my own mind up each time even if I have said no 20 times prior. Just being invited to social outings even when I had no intention of going, boosted my perceived social value each time.

As people gained my trust, they were able to challenge me on the things I said I wanted out of life, and what present aspects of my lifestyle were incompatible.

I think for me my own pride became my fuel, and a series of "challenge accepted" moments. I could never turn down a well formed challenge or someone telling me I _can't_ do something.

Smaller challenges like "holding a retail job" grew to bigger ones like "CTO", "Senior Software Engineer", "Technical Director" and eventually things I once said would never be possible like "having a healthy relationship" and "Getting married". Once the "small" challenges met success I have ever since been on a journey to find out where my ceiling is. Doing things I thought I could never do has become an addiction now, and not a whole lot scares me anymore.

I also was really stubborn/prideful and not good at accepting help, ever. Still am to a point, but getting better. Sometimes people had to help me in creative ways where I could not stop them easily. There are a number of times where I think people proved they cared about me more than I presently cared about myself, and that gave me the desire to up my own game.

Anyway. I am sure I could go on forever but this is already probably going to be a TLDR anyway.

I am happy to answer any questions here or via email/hangout etc. :)

[ Parent | on HN ]
Re:Leo The Homeless Coder Is Still Homeless by TallGuyShort on Tuesday May 27, 2014 @05:25PM (#7806966)
Thank you so much for responding. I don't have any more specific questions - just looking for exactly that. Hearing that from your perspective - especially the thing about not wanting to feel pitied - it'll be easier to recognize that in someone else and respond accordingly now.
[ Parent | on HN ]