I was going to enter this several years ago (late '80s), but never got around to sending in my entries. I have no shame, so here is what I was going to send (warning: tasteless and offensive material ahead):

• "My encounter with the Genie didn't turn out half bad," thought Lance as he sat down at the tiny piano to rehearse for his new job with the circus.

• David Ben MacGoldstein was considered cheap even by the other Scottish Jews.

• Dave's theory that placing a metal plate in the microwave oven would shunt away the dangerous radiation, thus making it safe to dry the cat, proved to be wrong, although the experiment was not a total loss, for Dave was at least able to prove that Fluffy did NOT have nine lives.

• As he had done every evening for the past ten years, Bert poured himself a shot of whisky, and sat down to reflect on that strange twist of fate that led him, once the most respected student at Harvard Medical School, to become a veterinary proctologist.

• In the race for the "Best Serial Killer, 1991" award, Jeffrey Dahmer was eating up the competition.

• "Up, up, and away!" cried Bean Boy, America's newest Superhero, leaping toward the sky, as his unique method of propulsion ensured that the uncounscious criminals would remain that way until the police arrived.