Yeah, it's pretty crazy, I know that's just how she would feel. There's definitely lots of hope and love in me, but it's just really a lot for my brain to handle. I think it's going to take a while to fully process (if I ever do). When I was staying with her near the end I somehow managed to kick my not-coding streak and start a coding streak I've been keeping up with. Kinda helps to just keep my mind cranking along...
Thanks for the kind words. Even though there's the part of me that is saying all these emotions are pointless, it still feels good to hear things like that.
The only thing I will add is, take your time. I never anticipated how long it would take. I tried to fight grief (nothing to do with parents), now I realize it was unnecessary. You will have good days, you will have bad days but you will make peace. Its just that nobody knows how long it takes.
....and yeah mutagen, promising stuff, I remember it from a discussion long past.
Here's a great story about Alexis Ohanian who had to endure that pain as well. It was really helpful for me to be able to relate to someone like that who I already highly respected. http://fourhourworkweek.com/2013/09/17/alexis-ohanian-reddit...
I'm very sorry for your loss.