and in some sense, it is. When you do something as big as buying a house and taking on a huge mortgage, a premature death simply is something you have to think about. You can chose to insure your family against that (live insurance), or you can chose to take the risk. Or you can not think about it, and let life chose for you.
Even now, selling the house and/or car (and worrying less about money) is an option. It's not a popular option, but my point is that there are options, and that means that there is also choice in the order of priorities.
> or he wants money to hoard it or spend it.
That's totally not how I see it, and I'm sorry if it came across that way.
Even if it wasn't for the mortgage or the van, you would want your partner to have sufficient resources to make rent.
A level term policy can often be had for as little as $30/month and it would have been more than adequate to cover the $250,000 in debt and final expenses. The service (assuming 4% and 30/5 years for the house/car) on this debt is probably about $1500, which means he should probably be able to afford an extra $30.
You make it sound like it's his fault, or he wants money to hoard it or spend it.
He wants it for his family. His highest priorities are having them secure.