FYI: I have done lots of reading. I spent time in therapy. Etc. And, for a time, I essentially had an unpaid "consultancy" where parents who had super difficult kids who had been failed by all the experts would get given my email address and talk with me a bit and a year or so later I would hear back that their "impossible" kid was getting their act together. So I strongly suspect that I know what I am talking about, better than most so-called experts.