Having a long list of skilled friends and colleagues is categorically not the same as having potential co-founder material. I dated a whole heck of a lot of girls before I married one. If you're not some wet-behind-the-ears kid fresh out of college and you've built a real network, your network consists of experienced grownups who likely have families, standards of living, and career paths. It's not easy to get those people to give up their current velocity and expose their lives to the risks and challenges of a startup.

Of all the friends and colleagues I've developed over two decades in the industry, I have two that I've seriously considered for co-founders, and I can't pry either of them loose. One is working with me on the company as my IP lawyer, just not as a co-founder. The other I'm hoping to get as an early hire when the company is farther along. There are lots of other friends with great skills that I won't consider for co-founder because I don't think they'd be a good fit, for reasons that are personal for each one.

This isn't a reflection on me or on the idea. It's a reflection on the reality that real grownups with real commitments can't always just drop everything and start anew. And these friends are valuable to me because they're experienced and I have worked with them before, and they're happy and honored to help out as advisors and sounding boards.

I can tell you from hard experience that there's a good reason the industry is down on solo founders. It's incredibly hard. But looking for co-founders isn't necessarily a good option. If you can't find one right away, looking is time-consuming and difficult with no guarantee of success, not if you have standards. Which is a better use of my time - developing product, or looking around for someone to help me? And by the time I'm far enough along that it becomes much easier to bring someone in, are they co-founders, or hires?

Keep in mind that not everyone was born here, went to high school or college and made a lot of friends. Also from all the friends and colleagues you have many of them might not be interested into what you are doing or want to get involved into something extra, some might now have the time, some might not have the qualities you might be looking for and some you might not trust.

I can tell you that from my perspective the relation to find a founder is directly measured in trust and that is why i find it very hard to just go out and pick a person i just met a few days or weeks ago even if we somehow "click" in terms of vision etc.

This might as well be a negative on the idea of starting a business with someone else as it is generally easier to be more objective with a co-founder you don't really know when it comes to making decisions and evaluating his impact on the business, good or bad, than when you are dealing with friends, colleagues or family.

One of your friends walks up to you and asks you to join his company. Maybe he has an impressive demo. Maybe he found a couple people who said they'd pay big $$$ if it was finished. Either way, he believes this could be big...and you've got to admit, maybe he's right.

Did that make you jump at the chance to quit your job, move cross country, start drawing on savings, and work 100 hour weeks? How many friends do you have who might make you think of doing that? How many friends do they have whom they'd feel comfortable asking? What happens to them if you say no? What happens if they get to the bottom of their list, and still have to keep searching?

Welcome to the cofounder dilemma.

Personally, I wanted a co-founder who could help me launch as fast as possible. I have the technical ability to create on my own, and I know a huge number of people who I could have asked. But in this case I wanted someone who really wanted it, and knew it would be better if it happened now. I found my co-founder through hn - happy times.

You have a long list of people who are potential technical cofounders? I'm technical myself and people approach me at least once a month asking if I'd like to join (or know someone who would) their project. I know a bunch of developers but few of them are interested in startup jobs because they make loads in BigCorp and the rest are already working on a project somewhere. I'm based in Europe but my gut tells me it's similar in many places.