You don't really get a choice, and you carry the mandatory cost because merchants roll the cost of chargeback fraud, CC fees and banking fees over into your purchase price, no matter if you think you'll need the added service or not.
1) You could ignore all technicalities and simply send the coins to a third party which releases it back to you or forward to the merchant. That's probably the least recommendable way, but is the easiest to explain.
2) A smarter way to do it is to use bitcoins transaction script that can process multi signature transactions, which can work in a way that if A wants to send B money, he can setup an address that can only withdraw coins from if C also signs the transaction. This method is supported by Electrum and by the Blockchain.info wallet.
Please look into what escrow means. Of course you can do business with an entity you're not sure is legit. The assumption is that you trust the escrow provider, and the Escrow provider is trusted by the merchant. So, the critera of trust for the escrow provider, is quite a bit higher than a random online store.
If carefully select the escrow provider, check their business registration, make sure there's a legitimate entity behind them, this makes dealing with possibly fraudulent entities as safe as with fiat.