How I Learned to Work a Room

Re:How I Learned to Work a Room by napoleond on Friday November 15, 2013 @01:01PM (#6740928)

pg has said that he considers How to Win Friends and Influence People to be the most inspiring book on leadership[0]. I think it's especially helpful for hackers, because it basically lays out instructions for how to meet (and then exceed) people's social expectations. A lot of non-hackers seem to have learned those skills in middle school, while many of us were busy learning other skills. Learning to "play along" and meet expectations is enormously valuable, in business and in life.

I had a bit of an aversion to the premise of the book at first, because it seemed manipulative to me somehow ("winning" and "influencing" people, ie. thinking of them as systems and trying to "hack" them) but I eventually came to see how narcissistic that was--I am not superhuman and cannot exert mind control, so any social "hacking" is really just using the system the way it is designed to be used. At the end of the day, most of Carnegie's advice boils down to being a nice person and putting yourself in other people's shoes often, but with examples of how that sort of behavior can be beneficial to you.

0. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6636086

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Re:How I Learned to Work a Room by bradleysmith on Friday November 15, 2013 @03:02PM (#6741778)

>how narcissistic that was--I am not superhuman and cannot exert mind control, so any social "hacking" is really just using the system the way it is designed to be used.

Spot on. Reminds me of the the quote by Cisco founder Sandy Lerner: "The first rule of any game is to know you're in one."

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Re:How I Learned to Work a Room by d0m on Friday November 15, 2013 @11:35PM (#6743647)

"The first rule of any game is to know you're in one." So true.

I would add that the second rule to any game is to know the game is broader than what it seems. Poker is really not just about cards. Startups aren't about building a product. Passing an exam isn't about knowing the answers. Thinking about the broader game opens so much more opportunity than being stuck in what people believe is the game's limit.

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Re:How I Learned to Work a Room by bsandbox on Saturday November 16, 2013 @09:08AM (#6744741)

It's a great book, a classic, and it's interesting to know how highly pg respects it.

When I look at leaders, the thing that I see more and more is the ability to not stress out about situations. Coming up with solutions is less important; putting everything in perspective is the key. Much of this comes down to empathy and being a nice person, as you describe.

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