Your approach would definitely work with me. (Side note: very off-put on Ash Maurya's page by the autoplaying video, so I immediately closed it. But I'm guessing it converts better for him.)

Your approach answers the following questions in the recipients mind:

* why is this person contacting me?

* what is it going to cost me (time/money/etc.)?

* what's in it for me?

* is this some sort of scam?

[edit: formatting]