I don't doubt that you can influence your own safety on the road to a degree. But the question is, how much? How safe is an extremely safe driver compared to flying on an airliner?

I doubt that even the best driver can get safer than an airliner. It's going to be hard to measure. For one, it's almost impossible to measure the risk of a "safe" driver compared to an unsafe one. For another, it's almost impossible to measure the risk of American airline travel today, because fatalities are so rare that it's no longer possible to turn them into a meaningful number. That last part suggests to me that even the safest driver will be far more at risk on the road than in a plane.