> empathy and seek first to understand, then be understood (can't remember where I read this one)

Could be from Stephen Covey (habit nr. 5) as one other mentioned. It could also be in the Prayer of Francis of Assisi,

  [...]
  grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
  to be understood, as to understand;
  to be loved, as to love.
  For it is in giving that we receive.

or in How to Win Friends and Influence People from Dale Carnegie with principles like:

  Become genuinely interested in other people.
  Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
  Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.