In all seriousness, I registered false datum with Assurance Wireless, sponsored by Virgin, and am now using a free cellphone (or "Obama phone" as some voices in the media call it). Per month I receive 250 free minutes and 250 free texts. The only precursor was to "prove" that I am currently enrolled in any of a number of welfare programs (such as the "SNAP" food stamp benefits program). I understand what I am doing is illegal, but earlier this year I realized I did not feel comfortable anymore paying so much for something that seemed to be benefiting others far more than me.