your assuming I wouldnt spell check a 5K essay and therefore would dail such a test... ;)
EDIT: as I mentioned elsewhere people do do things in other ways (though you seem to be suggesting my approach might not take a problem seriously??) and there ain't anything wrong with that. At no point did I say there was :)
I am a software engineer and I do not work the way you are describing. I take the actual problem to be solved very seriously and try and solve that in the most minimal way possible while leveraging and reusing existing code. I suppose I am not hired because I work differently. I've fallen into your trap of not designing complex systems in a stressful situation the way you expect me to.
So in revenge all my interviews now require a properly spelled and gramatically correct 5k word essay. It's just as arbitrary as what you've proposed. It is my "trap", which is your code word for "unreasonable and inscrutable expectation."