my daughter died unexpectedly just over a year ago. i don't like to talk about this but feel i need to say something in support of the "gift comment":

my wife and i often talk of her life and death as a gift to us and as her two brothers. we see imprints of her in the bonds between us that were galvanized following her death. it's not something that words can convey, i've tried and failed many times, but her gift is an unparalleled understanding of life and a strength that has the potential to be far more powerful than the grief/pain/torment of losing her.

it's more than just a coping mechanism.