My mother's death was in many ways her last gift to me. I would not have traded her for what I have gained. But neither would I erase the experience of loss, as painful and traumatic as it was. I am a much better person, a much stronger person, a much more compassionate person.

Nothing is purely negative, and I think it's important to keep that in mind. Especially when one's attitude and reactions can amplify or diminish the good parts.

If you want to look for coping mechanisms in this discussion, consider all the denial around the inevitability of death.

It sounds like you and bcgraham are in agreement, just meaning different things by the word "gift".