Thanks for continuing to speak in this thread. As someone who has not spoken up when I felt objectified or uncomfortable in the context of sexual jokes at technical conferences, I am relieved by how you've handled this. I wouldn't say I feel suddenly comfortable with speaking out to someone directly, but let's say that I feel a bit more like if I did speak to someone directly, they might not attack me.

It's an unfortunate fact that speaking up often has far more downside than upside for women professionally. It's only recently I think that women have had enough status in the tech community to speak up and not be a) blacklisted or b) harassed by whoever they spoke up to. Clearly, this thread demonstrates that lots of people still feel that their ability to say whatever they want, whenever they want, trumps all. It makes me sad, to say the least.

This is a big community, and I hope you find a new job soon. If there's something I can do to help, you can ping me on twitter or gmail.

Unfortunately in this case there were more downsides than could have been predicted. I personally helped recruit 2 young women over the course of the weekend who were looking for junior/intern positions. They both seemed very passionate about development and well qualified. Before I lost access to my corporate account I was able to get one of their resumes to my manager but I'm afraid the other might have gone down with my inbox. I've been imploring my boss to forward my address or look into my closed account to see if he can find her response. I know how hard it was for me when I was first starting out, how scary it can be, you're putting yourself out there hoping someone will see just how awesome you are. I can only imagine it's more difficult coming in as a minority to the field.

Thank you for your support and I'm glad my response to this incident has given you pause. I don't feel like my reaction is extraordinary, so that's been a bit of an eye opener.

I've already got a few leads, I met with a local start-up guru who's going to introduce me to some CEO's. I feel confidant I'll be employed very shortly. I don't feel comfortable reaching out to you privately based on your contact with Adria over twitter but we do run in the same circles and I will reserve a righteous high five for if/when we meet.

Appropriate reaction: slap on the wrist, "hey dude, that joke's not cool - consider your audience next time", maybe at most a little note in the old HR file.

Inappropriate reaction: what actually happened.

FWIW, I deplore the high-tech lynching that has taken place, and I'm sorry you lost your job over this drama. I know that my sympathies and $4 gets you a Starbucks latte, but I just want to add my voice to the chorus of people saying that this situation sucks.

I agree, though I've got to say, I blame the employer the most here. Unlike in a real "lynching", the internet mob did not kill anyone, or even cost them their jobs. Some HR person at a company decided to make an employment decision based on some internet controversy, and I think they need to own that decision.

In this overall controversy there is a strange amount of blaming two people, on either side, who did not make the decision to fire someone. The people who own that decision are whoever it is at PlayHaven and SendGrid who call the shots.

Word. Good luck.

I'm sad you got fired, however, that was clearly no one's doing but your own employer, not the person who tweeted and not the Con. If you are as good an employee as you have described, then firing you, is the sign of a bad employer and you are better off not working for them any more.

Are you comfortable telling us why you were fired while Alex Reid was not? What were the circumstances? (The post on the PlayHaven blog mentions this, but does not go into any detail.)

> Clearly, this thread demonstrates that lots of people still feel that their ability to say whatever they want, whenever they want, trumps all. It makes me sad, to say the least.

I'm unclear what you mean by this? Could you clarify what you mean here?

Unclear on why you are explaining the internet to me.

Sorry too bummed out about the situation to parse your previous.

Everyone is applauding Adria for her courage, but taking someone's photo and posting it on twitter is not speaking out. I know that turning to someone and saying "what you said is offensive to me" or reporting them to the staff is not easy, but nevertheless it was the correct course of action. She smiled and took a picture of those guys. She never even bothered to give them a dirty look. And now all these women and men are praising her as a hero.

Worse it appears that some assumptions on her part are not correct. Even worse, her own previous blog post states:

"Because of my experiences growing up, I have triggers. This means that I’m always scanning for danger; for situations that seem like something from the past that could hurt me. When I recognize something that matches, I can overreact and feel intense fear, anger or anxiety. "

her blog name is butyoureagirl.com. What does that mean? "you don't expect me to do all this do you?".

Now she can go write a book, while this guy lost his job. This is so sexist and so unfair and so ironic.

"Everyone is applauding Adria"......I think 99% of the comments are all against Adria, then you have that 1% of angry feminists. Adria got fired today.....well deserved!

"Now she can go write a book, while this guy lost his job."

He can write a book too. And he has free time now to do so.

> She never even bothered to give them a dirty look.

How old are you ? 10 ? Grow up.

Do you intend to sue for having your image posted by Adria?

Sounds like she might get some commercial value of it since she is doing talking engagements. A wave of publicity will surely benefit her.

I suspect you might have a job offer pretty soon as the larger community realized that this was terribly unfair and it was someone taking advantage of a situation to create controversy.

Sorry to hear about you losing your job, that was not cool. As a woman in tech who is also a mother and raising 2 daughters, I experience the boys club every day. I love all the men I work with, I think they are great. I don't think that they are aware of some of the things they do that are offensive to women and I try to give them feedback to help them understand. I want my daughters to go into their career of choice and be comfortable in that environment. Maybe something to reflect on as a father is how you can foster a future in tech that isn't all about the boys club, especially if one or more of your 3 kids is a girl.

I'm not so sure the "boys club" is really the "boys club." It's more like the "in crowd." And many people suffer from not being part of it, men included. Anything that threatens the in crowd's exclusiveness is shunned. That said, there more than a few misogynists out there, and not just in the tech realm. You should have worked at my last job. Boss literally thought a woman's place was solely in the kitchen, and hired accordingly (or as much as he could get away with). He also thought all black people should be shot, or so he said on one incredibly surprising occasion.