Good article by a mother who is obviously in distress. I liked this because it reminds me of some of the really tough lessons people learn growing up.

You can reach a high level of anxiety when you believe two things at the same time that do not co-exist. In this case, the mother believed she should be supportive of her son no matter what and she also believed that her son was a monster and might be a monster. One does not support monsters. Yet one supports one's son no matter what.

The answer, of course, is that your parental duties require you to be a disinterested observer at times. Tough love is real love. But just saying that doesn't mean people can learn it. Information is not the same as the knowledge.

And then there is the romanticizing of disease. My wife used to work with kids with Down's Syndrome. This was for very young children. Usually the nurses and doctors would have a good idea of what was happening and it was a matter of confirming it and educating the parents. What she found was that the average parent, when confronted with somebody with a chronic disease, had a hopelessly romantic view due to Hollywood and "feel good" press about that disease.

That's not saying that you shouldn't hope, or that you should be cynical. But most kids with Down's have a very limited life. Most families with a Down's kid have to work very hard. It's a labor of love, sure, but it's not a movie. Most times it's a lifetime endeavor. Not everybody is made for doing it. There's nothing wrong with admitting that your personality type is not good for taking intensive care of a kid for your entire life. The distance between feel-good stories about things and the actual things themselves is huge.

It's easy to get in a cognitive bind like this mom. I hope that writing the essay helped her come to grips with the fact that her son is a monster. And there's nothing wrong with admitting it.