I think that says it all. The guy had a vision of something he was trying to achieve and fiveteen thousand hours later he is essentially no closer to his goal. Stallman is very idealistic but he managed to change the world. This is an unbalanced approach to life which will only yield pain. Attachment is suffering.
I didn't think my post to Erik's blog would be reposted here in entirety. I felt moved to post quickly on Erik's blog FWIW and didn't mince words. His post reminds me of certain aspects of thought regarding where I was at after my degree. The will to create is a mysterious thing.
As things go jrogers65 probably has no idea what I'm trying to accomplish or how far along I actually am or the personal funding I've sunk into this path (everything) over the years.. I too had a deep fascination w/ graphics & audio tech for some time and I knew in advance 10 years ago that I was choosing the harder path to innovate particularly through large scale 2D / 3D spatial audio, upping immersion in games / movies / all media in the home and venues, such that the path was fraught with a long term time span.
In pursuit of this path I assure you I probably have the best hacker den around while also supporting the R&D goals at hand. It wasn't cheap to build or now maintain while bootstrapping and is in a prime SF spot; can support upwards of ~6 initial employees; etc. Indeed this leads to a challenging month to month reality in regard to long term debt / build out costs and trying to free up time (IE rent $$$ in advance) to work in waves unadulterated at the tech at hand.
Besides relentless innovation often comes hand in hand with perfection, but sometimes there is simply just time to get things right. After the general economic dip around '08 it's clear I'm at earliest presently 5 years out to perhaps 10 years w/ my audio aspirations regarding product / market fit just from an economic angle; I can be more specific, but will save it. This general mismatch and the rise of Android being the fortuitous tech occurrence has given me the time to focus on creating middleware tools supporting the long term effort while "doing it right" and taking into consideration the next 10-15 years of software dev.
If one is going to commercialize middleware tools related efforts the bar is high when money is to change hands.. One is free to go the open / social path and release early and evolve an effort in the public eye and likely never gain revenue. This is a valid direction... I however plan to make a long term living from my efforts and the sweat spent now _should_ pay off later. It reminds me of a supposed African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.”
One can wish to get funded for something innovative / artistic / complex / before its time; one can wish to be independently wealthy and be free to pursue ones goals. Outside of those two general hypotheticals what is often left from there is just pure dogged persistence and yeah it's not going to be the most balanced life, but them the breaks. I at least love what I do and am fully committed to seeing my long term vision become reality not just for me (it already is here for me!), but for "you" / others; commercially too...
I hope Erik finds his path without losing the will to create something great; individually (at first at least) w/ commercial aims or more publicly via open source during the conception phase, etc.
In short... You do not know what you speak of jrogers65.. ;P
If you don't mind me asking: why not?
Both you and the author paint a very romantic picture of your work. I can see how it would make maintaining existant relationships difficult, but this kind of thing makes twentysomethings who don't know you swoon in my experience. I'm probably not fully grasping the extent to which these feelings are debilitating. I feel like this as well from time to time, but it always passes quite quickly.
On the bright side: hang around art school kids and you will be worshipped :)
There are always trade offs in life.. On the dating front at least. If I spent more time in general hanging out and out and about on weekends goofing around like many folks I'm sure things would work out differently. One has to consider that for me often I'm left to just generally low stakes / OkC derived meet ups.
Statistically speaking at this point I can say that coming across as passionate about ones life's work and mentioning that entails a day job at times and often night / weekend effort doesn't set the tone of being emotionally or otherwise available even though that may not be the case nonetheless it is best to can it on the first meetup... That is all.. It's bad enough being an introvert in an extrovert's world.. :)
You may find someone special who really digs what you do, but you can only ignore them and keep them at arm's length for so long before they leave to find someone (perhaps less romantic) who will treat them as if /they/ were that important.
Certainly there are exceptions (mariner's wives come to mind) but I think this would be true of your normal random date. So, romantic? Sure. But the appeal has to eventually wear off and then there'd better be a part of you that you can devote to your partner.
"Erik... I haven't had a chance to read much else on your blog, but I too quite likely would be considered a "delusional idealist" by society's standards. You seem to be on the path of the journeyman programmer and one day will be an expert and then some.
For some context I am turning 35 in less than a month and have yet to release my life's work which extends over 11 years of effort after my college degree. A significant amount of my efforts cover similar ground as your aspirations. I still live month to month (~$200 in my bank account right now and significant debt I incurred in following this path I'm still trying to manage). By the time that I do launch my effort I will have spent well over 15k hours on it. I often think about how life would be if I was paid my corporate contract rate for those hours.
While aggressive refactoring may occur in your efforts from time to time I suppose realize that there is an inherent truth and logic in ones work. For me it brings the only solid peace of mind in an uncertain / illogical world. It is the reason I'm writing this right now.
It sounds like you are just finishing up your degree... If possible move back w/ your family. Let me tell you... It sucks, it sucks, it sucks... I did for 3 years after my degree and faced daily admonition & nagging from my parents on why I didn't have a job. It was even harder to deal w/ their assumptions that I was "unemployable" / not good at my chosen path. Despite knowing none of that was true it's still hard when the only understanding most folks understand is your job / title / income one might gain from employment.
I even spoke at various conferences and this had no effect on my families opinion. I suppose you could say I lucked out after my first major tech conference because an O'Reilly editor was in the audience and I got an invite to the '04 Foo Camp. I distinctly remember sitting at a table chatting w/ the "Hot or Not" founders who were quite successful by that time. I remember desperately trying to conceal I was living in my parents basement, had no income, and what not.
Outside funding is going to be a bitch as unfortunately investors do not favor tools development despite how innovative they may be. You'll likely find yourself bootstrapping and need to release your work before you receive any sort of favorable discussion. The upside is that you'll retain 100% ownership.
Does it get better? I'm not going to lie... Things can get pretty shitty and daunting at times from economic to social relationships from friends to potential significant others. You may often find yourself pushed into out-group situations. I recently even faced this by general neighborhood friends of ~5-7 years.. Few people will understand why you may not show up too often on the weekends. It sucks when you stop getting invites to social events and see folks post pictures at them while you are working around the clock late into the evening Friday / Sat night. I can't even mention to potential dates that I run my own long term R&D oriented company and work nights and weekends quite often; doesn't matter if they work in the tech industry either.
Hah.. Well I have to get back to coding as the midnight oil has been burning since last night.
Don't stop... embrace the inherent truth / logic of your efforts... take solace that you can code fearlessly and without requiring permission from anyone else. You will rarely find this freedom as an employee or from inside the industry. Be bold and do things differently. It's not going to be easy by any means."