I am probably more down than the OP, I am 30 and we are in a very similar situation, but I'm struggling hard with very strong depression at the moment due to all these factors and also losing the only love in my life I've ever had. I can't go 5 minutes without fantasizing about hanging myself. Don't worry though, not going to do it, but it's obvious my brain does not see another way out.

I just wanted to say thank you for this post. Although it may come off as a bit harsh to some readers(and I've never been a fan of the 'tough it up' mentality), I needed to hear this, and I think you're right on every point.

What I would like to know further is how you managed to do CBT, as I know that I desperately need something like this, but I can't find a competent/trustworthy psychologist to save my life. Any links/resources/advice is GREATLY appreciated.