Considering that the UK is the fourth-largest contributor to the EU budget, paying more than we get back, and haven't benefited from the Euro in the way that eg. Germany has, I would say that we're giving you plenty of cake. There's no reason the EU has to be an all-or-nothing affair; there are plenty of other countries that have opted out of the Euro as well, and frankly with the chaos over Greece which has been heavily caused by their uncompetitiveness in a shared currency, I don't think you're in a great position to criticise that decision.
It may look fine when you sit in Eastern Europe and get all the funds. But think for German taxpayer for a while who now has to pay for your infrastruture, meet your debt obligations in case something goes wrong, and import all the unemployed form your country. How much longer do you think Germans will take it? Of course, it's nice to be on the receiving end. But being in an economic crisis + having your own unemployed + tax hikes for your highways, do you think this makes EU popular among German voters? No, it doesn't. If Germany was given a chance there is a good chance they would opt to exit as well.
Eastern Europe is very pro-EU because it is bribed by all the money stolen from the Western Europe. But nobody, really nobody, in the West wants to stay on the board of the Titanic anymore.
The single currency tied the economies together, it allowed Greeks to use the cheap credit of the German economy to buy what? German cars. Germany's export businesses grew hugely because of the real value of the euro was weaker than the Deutsche Mark.
This is a problem where no single party is at fault. Yes, the Greeks were irresponsible with the credit but it's not the full story.
Apart from that, I agree with your points about the general economic union. Without a peaceful political and cultural one, it was doomed to fail.
Countries that "import unemployed people" do so for their own good. Or do you know a lot of Brits currently willing to do housecleaning work or have a factory job? Switzerland is a good example of that. ~30% foreign workers, most of them doing the jobs that Swiss people themselves would rather not do. It's very easy to blame people from other countries for you own problems, but they're paying their taxes too, just like anyone else.
Plus, Germany exports a lot to other EU countries. It's not like they're in the EU for the sole noble purpose of European prosperity.
IIRC, the UK has opted out of Schengen and the Euro. That would look OK to me were we not talking of two core EU projects that were supposed to be game changers.
Coming from a country that is currently under an European assistance program, I am not myself very fond of the "Chancellor", but your opinion seems to be purely based on the hatred for a particular country and simple anglophilia. It's clear that the EU must have common laws. And it's clear that if the EU is supposed to ever become a superpower in the economic and geopolitical sense, a free trade zone will not suffice.
Believe me, European laws don't please everyone. e.g. production quotas have seriously harmed economies that were highly reliant on agricultural production.
And regarding Greece... well, Greece has played foul from the beginning. Greek authorities have purposefully reported lower than reality deficit figure as early as 1999. Of course the EU failed there too, and I'm convinced that austerity measures are not the best solution for this mess. But saying that Greece is being "punished" because it has refused to follow a particular model is a clear exaggeration.