The mental challenge of deciphering whether or not you're actually serious (thereby weighting if the reality you describe could be real; significantly your change of heart; also how anti/a-social you actually were before this) is in itself quite interesting.

Personally I did a few cruel things when I was younger, but at some point realized that trying to improve the world was much harder, and thereby ended up focusing on being nice. It is also much more rewarding. I still get some guilty pleasure from tearing down people that are acting cruel; knowing that it's not a very effective way of improving things - but it can be very satisfying at times.