Unfortunately, the "most equalizing" compromise is going to involve the person with the best career prospects at the margin[1] to discard them, as they can get "reasonably good" prospects by moving to where the other half has best prospects.
If you're the one with the better career prospects at the margin, and you invest much of your personality in being the best at what you do, that's going to be a problem: because you simply won't be able to become that while in that relationship.
You're gonna have to choose.
1) By "at the margin", I mean at the step levels, such as promotions, new job offers, new opportunities: simple measurable things that indicate propensity for advancement.
Still, I do not seem to be too saddened by this so I guess I do not 'invest much of my personality' in my career.
So you might get a head start that way but eventually you'll be looking at making compromises.
Being a stay at home mom is one of the most miserable jobs if you're not cut out for it. People understand a bad day at the office, but they seem to think staying at home with a kid means it's like a vacation day all the time. You can't vent to anyone without them reminding you that you should be grateful to your husband.
My husband doesn't see a problem with it, so couples counseling is off the table. Honestly, he doesn't have to worry about another guy - I don't want someone who is going to make more demands on time I just don't have. But If I were him, I'd start worrying that being alone seems like it would be less stressful than staying with him.
As for the rest of your posting, all I can say is wow, you two should talk. Now.
Whether he sees a problem with it or not it not really relevant, the fact is you are clearly not happy which means he has a problem.
You might look around for more sympathetic listeners, too. Staying home with kids is hard work. There are SAHM support groups out there, perhaps you can find one in your area.
The article references several studies that show, statistically speaking, that two-career marriages are harder than "traditional(?)" marriages. Responding with anecdotal evidence and feelings doesn't invalidate the original argument.
It's easy to accepts studies when they confirm our own world-views. Disregarding studies that go against personal philosophy (based on gut-feel) is just confirmation bias.
Why not go with it? Studies show two-career marriages are harder. So if you both are working just factor in that you may have to work just a little bit harder on your relationship - which is not such a bad thing anyway.
I doubt that the current setup is a recipe for happiness:
- people putting of (or not getting) children because of careers
- people basically paying other people to raise their children.
- people working overtime to buy a more expensive car
To single out 'career women' as the ones to avoid is simply stupid, some of the best marriages I've seen are the ones between two career people.
If your spouse leaves you for someone else they met 'on the job' that's only because your relationship has been found wanting, if you think tying someone to the couch is going to make them stay you're simply wrong.
Statistically the chance of them staying may be larger, but that's a shitty way of saying 'if there is no competition I can win'. Better get your act together then.
And beware of that neighbor...
Women have been on the receiving end of their men 'trading up' for years, the equality game has its downsides, but this isn't one of them. Keep in shape, keep your woman happy and I doubt you've got much to worry about, career or not.
If you're a slob, that's a different thing of course.