Just a bit of feedback: the part where you get somewhere close to describing what your company actually does[1] is very well buried. And the rest is incredibly vague and sounds very much like the stereotypical startup pitch you parody in your opening sentence. Your pitch has all the points of a stereotypical SF startup: vague platitudes about the future, a list of “top investors,” “building something that matters”, stealth mode, claiming you're not like all the other startups. Frankly, your whole comment is one of the best pieces of satire I've seen on this board.

Not only that, but a service that archives my life sounds like… Facebook timeline.

I realize you guys are stealth, but if you want to attract people by claiming that you're building something that matters, you might want to actually tell us what you're building.

[1]: ”And then boom suddenly your whole life shows up as an archive. I just can't get over this. So stunning. You've achieved what few could.“