One of the greatest examples of how nothing nefarious is going on is from a large multi billion dollar hedge fund I used to work at. They have both an equity investment group, as well as a HFT equity liquidity providing platform. I worked on HFT, and knew the equity guys. They always wanted to execute with us in the open market. It was so much better than what they used to have to do.
Why would one of the most sophisticated equity investors in the world want to run an operation that "skims" from the other? Because that's not what HFT does, and of course they know that. They use their own product (their HFT system) to execute their own buy orders. If that's not a testimonial, I don't know what is.
This is precisely the point about HFT. If you are a seller, there isn't always a buyer. HFT is there when there ISN'T the other side. The scenario you described is absurd. How often do a buyer / seller want to interact within the same millisecond?
They can of course. HFT does nothing to stop that. Two people can trade in the open market with each other whenever they want. The reason most of the time HFT is involved is HFT gives the best price. That's why it's become so big. They provide the best price to their customer, not attacking some "flaw" in the exchange.
Here's an exciting company with a spread of $0.01 (at the moment anyway):
http://finance.yahoo.com/q/ecn?s=WEC+Order+Book
My selection criteria was to try to find a S&P 500 component that I wouldn't expect to be among the most highly traded S&P 500 components.
I wonder how much of the dislike for HFT comes from applying intuition about 2 party trades to a many party market. Mostly, I think people ignore that the HFT systems are competing with each other, not just arbitrarily stepping into the middle of transactions. The latter really violates intuition about fairness.