I don't care that they have a good work-stealing event loop, I care that it's the default and their APIs all expect the work-stealing implementation and unnecessarily constrain cases where you don't use that implementation. It's frustrating and I go out of my way to avoid Tokio because of it.
At $dayjob we have built a large codebase (high-throughput message broker) using the thread-per-core model with tokio (ie one worker thread per CPU, pinned to that CPU, driving a single-threaded tokio Runtime) and have not had any problems. Much of our async code is !Send or !Sync (Rc, RefCell, etc) precisely because we want it to benefit from not needing to run under the default tokio multi-threaded runtime.
We don't use many external libs for async though, which is what seems to be the source of your problems. Mostly just tokio and futures-* crates.
Even then, I’d agree that while Arc is used in lots of places in work stealing runtimes, I disagree that it’s used everywhere or that you can really do anything else if you want to leverage all your cores with minimum effort and not having to build your application specialized to deal with that.