Yeah, exactly. The help command should also have a dozen useless esoteric options but no obvious way to actually get any help. Here are some suggestions :)

  -B Don't not use non-buffered IO for not displaying output
  -e Pipe help output through rot13 transformation
  -G Display output in psychedelic ANSI format
  -w Produce ASCII histogram of help task heap allocations.
  -Z Format output so that the number of columns is a prime number
  -Q Run help in daemon mode
  -X1 Translate help to Klingon
  -X2 Translate help to Esperanto
  -X12 Translate help to Esperanto, then to Klingon
  -X21 Translate help to Klingon, then to Esperanto