I don't think the hesitation comes from the boogeyman you speak of, but just relying on someone else other than yourself.

This has further implications than just security. Also, whoever gets into self hosting already wants to not rely on others for the most part. If you didn't go into this for the tinkering aspect, I guess Tailscale is completely ok for most, perhaps even ideal.

Nevertheless, none of this has anything to do with the achievements or not of Tailscale. People saying that your own VPN is ok have a point.