I have never met someone with this problem, and have not experienced it myself in over 12 years. Closing the lid and walking away is what MacBooks are (were?) known for, I guess in my circles.

It’s a pretty common issue. Search around and you will find pages and pages of people experiencing the same issues on macrumors, the apple discussion forum, etc. Glad it hasn’t been a problem for you, I envy you!

I assume you’ve turned off “allow Bluetooth devices to wake this computer” and “wake on network access” in system preferences? Those are the only things I can think of that can randomly wake up macs

Oh yeah, I’ve turned every single possible thing off. It still randomly dark-wakes. And then, when it does, it will sometimes get into a doom loop of scanning the network and refusing to release its power assertions, meaning it won’t go back to sleep. Eventually it will hit a thermal emergency and then shut down.

I've never experienced this and I've been using macbooks since 2007.