As best as I can tell, it’s just unreasonably paranoid — they do some very cool things with widgets that it seems like they were trying to protect (though those strategies are starting to leak out anyways)

There were some interesting things in the binary still. At one point I was trying to figure out why I was looking at code that looked like it was downloading a Windows .iso; turns out it was, and it was used for a network speed test widget!

BillGates.iso: What is my purpose?

CoolWidgets.app: Your heft tests the network speed.

BillGates.iso: Oh my god.

If I ran the App Store : this would be enough evidence that I would heavily investigate all of their other apps for signs of illegal and immoral activity, also adding in static infinite loop detection on all app submissions

There's lots of algorithms and patterns that use "while (1) {"

And of course, you can't really know if a loop is infinite because of the halting problem.

Or maybe trying to prove copyright theft, if the app itself was recompiled with different logos etc