> in person meetings have people staring at their laptops and phones too

I've worked at a variety of places with a variety of problems, but I've never seen that kind of rudeness be widespread or persistent. It was corrected in different ways depending on the company culture, but it was corrected.

I guess I'm unlucky, though the companies were full of young people which might be a factor

Where I worked in the past, those people would get a private reprimand after that meeting.