I cannot find it, but I distinctly remember a post by Rachel on her blog (rachelbythebay) that talks about this exact problem in open source.

Sometimes the nuance of appealing to maintainers emotions is more work than writing the software yourself and maintaining your own private fork.

If someone could find that blog post (and subsequent hacker news ref) it would be a fun way to compare this discourse to Rachel’s discourse.

Edit:

Found it: Choosing to stay out of the community.

https://rachelbythebay.com/w/2018/10/09/moat/

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18181409