Russia's paranoia of NATO was largely because they were being surrounded by military bases and missiles placed overtly within ranges that would greatly increase the chances/effect of a preemptive strike. Of course we kept expanding because each time Russia claimed something was a redline, they did nothing. Until they did. Though Ukraine is also particularly sensitive for them both from a cultural perspective and a strategic one.

Bringing them into NATO was something that they saw as comparable to how the US might see if China or Russia formed a military alliance with Mexico, set up military bases there, and let alone then inevitably deploying nuclear weapons there. Suddenly the rhetoric about countries being free to pick their own alliances would end up as yet another mockery of the "rules based order."*

So the solution was simple - don't bring Ukraine into NATO. Hundreds of thousands more Ukrainians would be alive, EU economies would be far stronger, and Russia might even be cooled back into its early trajectories. At one point in time, Putin was even enquiring about Russia joining NATO! This isn't an enemy that we need to have, but we need to be willing to engage in mutual compromise instead of trying to operate as a global hegemon.

Lay it on thicker, I can still see some daylight.

Hey kids, look how the Russian propaganda works : they are the victims! And the mean Ukrainians were going to invade them with a first strike! This is gaslighting and victim blaming.