BEAM's benefit 10-20 years ago where that inter-node communication was essentially the same as communicating in the same process. Meaning i could talk to an actor on a different machine the same way as if it was in the same process.
These days people just spin up more cores on one machine. Getting good performance out of multi-node erlang is a challenge and only really works if you can host all the servers on one rack to simulate a multi-core machine. The built in distributed part of erlang doesn't work so well in modern VPS / AWS setup, although some try.
Well, what I do is think of functions as services, and there are different ways to get that, but BEAM / OTP are surely among them.
I think most software won't need to scale that far. Did you run into any systems like that built on top of BEAM?
So, did you run into any systems that needed to scale to tens of thousands of cores for a reason inherent to the problem they were solving, and was built on top of BEAM?
Although Elixir is a nice language, I struggle to enjoy writing code in a language lacking types.