> Can we really expect people to be constantly "on" and aware of their emotional impact on others?

Of course we can and should. Emotional regulation is a sign of maturity and being an adult. Children should be practicing emotional control.

Can you be mentally and emotionally wrung out and grace given for emotional outbursts? Sometimes. I also have punched a wall when I stubbed my toe. We should expect me to not lash out at the door and it can still be understandable why I did.