I'm sure there are great dentists out there who are honest and empathetic but I haven't met one and don't plan on rolling the dice again anytime soon.
My dentist would always lie to me saying "just a little longer left" (even when there was about an hour remaining) which really didnt help, and after we finished about 5 teeth worth of treatments she said she "realised" I have 3 more places she wants to do as well..
It sounds hysterical I'm sure, but I dont think she realised that several times per each treatment I'm genuinely convinced I'm about to die - like making peace with god level. I got over myself and was in a really good cycle of going because I wanted to finally fix everything, and then that extra "reveal" of another 2 rounds of treatment just broke me, I couldn't do it.
And I do believe that for the most it comes from a good place. They are legitimately trying to reduce anxiety.
When the above happened an I was trying to find a dentist I talked with my therapist about this extensively. And then the dentist I found now, talking through it was a big way that helped me.
And both of them kinda said the same thing. That this was an old trick that dentists used. Particularly on kids, but clearly not limited. And it does come from a good place.
But they don’t think about the long term damage of that. Even on a subconscious level. It wasn’t until into my adult hood that I understood why I had a fight or flight moment when I got in that chair, but I still did.
And I feel you 100% on those tools and stuff. I have gotten better, but I remember early on after finding my current dentist I needed a root canal. I told her, if I am laying 100% back and that plastic film is covering my mouth fully I am going to have an anxiety attack. She listened and worked with me on how to make it work. It still made me anxious, but yeah.
Oh, 100%. Yeah there has for sure been progress. I do also recognize that my anxiety is not just "oh I don't like the dentist", I was lied too. That breaks that trust.
I remember before I found my current dentist, I was having a ton of pain and I tried to find someone. I called them, explained the situation, explained the anxiety and where it was coming from. They reassured me, we have someone who knows how to help with that.
I went there, the dentist came in, I again explained the anxiety and where it came from. This was meant to be a, get comfortable thing. It wasn't a cleaning, just talking. He decides the entire time that he was feeling around my mouth with his fingers, he would hold the scraping tool inches from my face. And then, right at the end to purposefully do a quick little scrape as if, its not big deal see its not that bad.
I just got through telling you I was lied too, that is not the time to do something without telling me that you said you were not going to do to try to convince me that "its not that bad". And then he was like, yeah so we have time if you want to get a cleaning. I have not wanted to get up and leave as quick as I had in that situation in my life, never went back...
That is a rant, sorry about that. But that moment is burned into my brain.
I was so thankful to find my current dentist. When I told them, the dentist called me while I was at home to talk to me in my space that I am comfortable in. Then when I got there I just sat in the chair for a while talking, not laying back, my feet were at the side.