What helped you? Traditional psychotropics? Psychedelics?
I'm interested in knowing why you're reluctant to try stimulants. what you describe in your OP sounds a lot like the symptoms of ADHD and stimulant medication helps many people with the exact symptoms you list with little to no side effects. why leave that on the table?
I treat my ADHD with stimulants, and I would say there are definitely side-effects, but the side-effects are mostly manageable.
While I do benefit from stimulants, I personally believe the benefits are exaggerated, and apparently the Cochrane Library does not disagree with me:
https://www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD...
* Ketamine was life changing (for depression symptoms)
* Stimulants help me a lot. The first time I took adderall, I cried, because I had never experienced such a relaxed state of calm or peace. I haven't been able to get any due to the longstanding shortage, and my quality of life has suffered as a result. Other drugs help me to control my focus, but they don't tend to help my memory or emotional regulation much.
* I also take antidepressants that are slightly helpful.
* Diet, exercise, and sunlight make a huge difference.
Felt like Im just damaging my physical health for no good reason
I’d say start your day off with absolutely nothing. Just go outside and go for a walk with no phone. No music. No technology. From the moment you wake up, try a one hour walk like this (map out a route that takes about an hour so you don’t need a clock with you). Let your mind fly, then after the hour is up, write down some notes about your thoughts. Try this for a week.
I have a similar profile, along with seizures in childhood that led to repeated head injuries. Cause and effect was always an open question for me.
1. cPTSD 2. ADHD 3. Depression 4. (Relatively mild / high-functioning) autism spectrum disorder
Likely combined with aftereffects from mild traumatic brain injury (i.e. a high number of concussions), but this part is largely speculative.
Would not recommend attempting to research your way into a solution without the help of a trained practitioner.