I don't think you view your mental illnesses as something you want to change. i.e. "... so I regard it as a blessing, though a mixed one." "My most beautiful but also damaging..." The post gives the impression you want to be seen as a damaged butterfly. I know someone very like you. He has the same hyper-sensitivities, trolling, avoidance of drugs, obsessive writing and hacking. I class both of you as classic INFPs with a strong need for self-expression.

My friend made a couple breakthroughs with his life a few years back. He got into drama/acting and films. These things made him far happier and he began to express himself in a more positive manner. Maybe you should try out this area. It is a good way to get some decent friends.