Re:The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]
by smeej on Tuesday May 28, 2024 @10:12AM
(#40500927)
This is all true, but I think I want to be a parent even if it is heartbreaking.
I think of my own parents' experience. My brother is an addict (thankfully sober for a decade now, but it was a long journey). My sister died suddenly and with no warning when she was only 29, and she was 8 months pregnant. My parents' experience, by any account, has been devastating.
But if you ask them whether they would rather never have had my siblings at all? Not a chance. Not even the flicker of a consideration.
I don't think the actually quite high chance that it will be heartbreaking deters me from wanting it. But I also don't consider keeping my heart unbroken a priority. My heart only manages to break when I love, and I'd rather live a life full of both love and heartbreak than forego the former in hopes of avoiding the latter.
I think of my own parents' experience. My brother is an addict (thankfully sober for a decade now, but it was a long journey). My sister died suddenly and with no warning when she was only 29, and she was 8 months pregnant. My parents' experience, by any account, has been devastating.
But if you ask them whether they would rather never have had my siblings at all? Not a chance. Not even the flicker of a consideration.
I don't think the actually quite high chance that it will be heartbreaking deters me from wanting it. But I also don't consider keeping my heart unbroken a priority. My heart only manages to break when I love, and I'd rather live a life full of both love and heartbreak than forego the former in hopes of avoiding the latter.